So let’s talk about the woman behind the awesome family, tidy house and tiny dog. What makes me tick? What are the things that allow me to continue to function well in my roll as maid, short order cook, driver, tutor, nurse, psychologist, interior designer, dog groomer, secretary of the mommy club, preschool room mom, referee, mediator, personal shopper, event coordinator, teacher and assistant? What makes MOMMY happy? (other than undying devotion from my kids of course). We mothers are people too and believe it or not sometimes we have a life outside of our kids, regardless of what THEY believe. I have compiled my list.
My enslavement to shoes has already been discussed. It is not just the wearing of the shoes though. I view shoes as art. I love walking into the various stores and taking in the exhibition of rows and rows of fabulous shoes. I love that new shoe smell. I love to feel the soft material and I am a sucker for any shoe that has pony hair (whew, glad we got that confession out of the way). I love bringing my new addition home and adding them to my collection. I place them in their proper position according to heel height, then color (you better believe that I do that). Then later I enjoy strolling into my closet and admiring my collection. Now mind you I don’t have a fancy shoe closet with shelves and leather furniture and a pink chandelier because if I did, I would never leave.
What else do I love besides shoes? Music! I grew up in the days of MTV playing actual videos and cassette tapes and Casey Kasem’s American Top 40. My Kenwood rack stereo system, in the early 90s, was the baddest in the neighborhood. I know music from the 50s through today, all different genres. I occasionally win a round or two of Song Pop. I have been known to embarrass my kids from time to time by singing a little too loudly, in the car, with the windows down. I often make them listen to me sing a song until every one of them admits that I sound JUST LIKE the person on the radio (or better). I have been known to bust into my daughters room during a kid-only dance party and make my disco prowess known. Music makes life fun and I think I am passing this on to my kids just like my mother did for me (except then it was the 70s and I actually had to watch her dance in a robin’s-egg blue, strapless, bell bottom jumpsuit and pink Candy’s brand platforms. No one should have to see that).
Next I guess I would have to confess that I own a dvr for the sole purpose of recording every single show that comes on the Bravo network. I AM OBSESSED! I even started a Bravo addicts group page on Facebook and it would seem that I am not the only one. What is it about reality tv? It is so much more exciting that my own life I guess. I don’t get to go to social functions of the rich and famous or invite all of my girlfriends to join me on a trip to Rio de Janeiro but thank God some people do. With cameras following them around nonetheless. I love all of The Real Housewives and I even watch Miami (I may be the only one). Million Dollar Decorators, Top Chef, Vanderpump Rules, Shahs of Sunset, Million Dollar Listings and I even LOVED Miss Advised. The more table flipping, weave pulling and $2000 shoes that I see, the better. Maybe these really are the modern day soap opras that my grandmother used to adore. All I know is Andy Cohen keep them coming.
Finally I guess I have to address my cleaning disorder. I am one of those people that others make fun of because every time you come to my house, it is clean. Sure I have people try to drop by and catch me riding dirty but it just ain’t happening. Believe me I don’t do it for show. It goes way deeper than that. I need things excessively orderly and neat in order for me to function. Now throw four kids and a husband at me and you must know that I almost work myself to death. I just can’t explain that feeling that I get though when I finish cleaning the entire house. I just sit there and enjoy the sparkle and shine for that whole THREE MINUTES that it is actually remains clean. I literally get a high from knowing it is all done. Isn’t that disturbing? You can judge me. So this one may not be on YOUR list. Hmmm….maybe I should start a Facebook group for this one.
So that is what I would call the big four. Sure I have a list of runners up that also bring joy to my life, such as salty snacks (they are the DEVIL), solo bathroom trips (I often scream CAN I JUST HAVE FIVE MINUTES and sometimes fake diarrhea in order to get a moment), hot showers, new car smell (mine smells like french fries and boogers), everything hot pink makes me happy and the most perfect device ever invented-the iPad (this little jewel will have a post all of it’s own one day). So you see kids, big people can be cool too. We actually have a life outside of you. Next time my kids take me for granted I am going on ebay and buying the bluest, most bell bottomed, most strapless, most silky disco jumper that I can find and I am taking them to a birthday party or soccer or Target. I am going to SHOW them who is cool. Who’s staring at yo mama now?