I want to have a relaxing Sunday morning sometimes. There is only one problem. I am not wired to relax. Ever. My inability to relax actually drives me mad. I don’t understand what has happened to me. I remember being able to relax once upon a time. The older I get the harder it becomes for me.
I am sure having four kids does not lend to relaxation. I feel like I always need to be doing something in order to stay on top of the workload. My mind starts racing before my eyes open for the day thinking of all the things that I need to accomplish on my day of relaxation.
I think back to my weekends in my early twenties when I would wake at my leisure. I would lie in bed for several minutes just staring at the beautiful sunshine pouring through the windows filling my room. It was something straight out of a Tide commercial. I would contemplate what I wanted to do with my day and not what I HAD to do. I would eventually make my way to the kitchen and have a little breakfast and hot coffee, hot being the keyword.
At this point, let’s say I decided to have a lazy day. What exactly did that mean? I would find myself on the couch, with the tv remote in hand. I would flip through cable channels and soon find myself mesmerized by a movie on Lifetime. I would stare motionless as the cheesy plot unfolded, unable to look away.
Before I knew it, my bladder was about to rupture and my stomach would be growling. It was already lunch time? Where had my morning gone? I thought, maybe I should throw a load of laundry into the wash. You know, to do something productive? Well, it was just me and there was so little laundry to do. Maybe I would have a full load tomorrow. So instead I opted for lunch on a tray and went back to the couch. The next movie was coming on soon.
What was happening to my day? Eventually I would come to the realization that I had done nothing. I had barely left the couch all day. The thought would occur that maybe I should get up and clean something. I would walk to the bathroom and look around. Hmmm…..I lived alone and it still looked pretty clean from last week (don’t you miss that part of living alone?). So I opted instead to brush my teeth and head back to the couch. I couldn’t believe that I almost forgot to brush my teeth. What a lazy day.
I cannot be the only one who remembers days like these.. Are you getting a good visual of what my relaxing days once were? Yep, pretty boring.
So what is a relaxing day for me now? It is just a tad bit different. Let’s take today for example.
I was awakened by tiny fingers prying my eyeballs open. Then I heard a sweet voice say “Mommy! You’re awake! I’m hungry.”
No time to lie around enjoying the morning sun. I relocate to the kitchen where I become something of a short order cook. Three of the four were already up and starving. I got them all fixed up, with their breakfast of choice, then and only then did I dare make myself a plate.
If you are a mother then you know we are always on a quest for a hot meal. We usually spend our meals catering to others. Often times when we are finally able to put that first bite into our mouth, we have already missed our small window of opportunity.
This morning however? It was hot and steamy and just when I am about to take a bite….child four came dragging in. She was hungry. That’s okay. Cold eggs aren’t THAT bad. I made her breakfast.
All four kids were now full. I ate my cold eggs and coffee, delightful as always.
Today for my day of leisure, I decide to let my creative juices flow. I was going to write a blog. I was going to blog about my relaxing day. I was going to go as far as to take the laptop to my still unmade bed. Now for those who know me, this is huge. My love of made beds is well documented. My husband knows that if he gets up to go the bathroom, after I am up for the day, he had better make his intentions known or he will come back to a made bed.
That was just what I was going to do, write a blog. I warned all of my children that Mommy needed a little quiet time so she could do some writing. This automatically made all four need me to do something crucial for them. “Help me find this shirt”, “I really wanted you to braid my hair”, “Help me brush my teeth” and “Help me find my super hero cape” were all on the list. Just the thought of Mommy being unavailable for a few minutes made them anxious.
I went into my room and closed the door. Out of sight would hopefully mean out of mind. I began to write about my leisurely day. There was a knock at the door. My daughter wanted to know if I needed anything. Very sweet but I knew this was a ploy to see what was actually going on behind closed doors. About this time, all of the others seeing that their sister had infiltrated the room, came charging in. They dove onto the bed, rolling around, laughing and giggling. I am not going to lie, it is one of my favorite things BUT I had a mission here. I had to get something accomplished and sometimes little ones just have to understand that Mommy needs some ME time. Out they all went.
This time I locked the door. I would not be tricked by their cuteness again. I got a few sentences down. Then I heard a peck at my door. It was my youngest begging me to help him. I asked him if Daddy could help instead? His response “No, I need Mommy.” So I opened the door to see what was so important. He needed mommy to help get him into his super hero gear. He had a world to save. So I put his black cape over his Thomas the Train pajamas and pulled the accompanying winter hat onto his head. Now he was ready to defend the people. Satisfied, he walked out.
It became apparent to me at that moment, relaxing does not mean today what it meant all those years ago but you know what? I honestly wouldn’t trade these moments for anything in the world. There will be a time soon enough when my baby won’t need me to help him with his super hero cape. There will come a time when he won’t need my help for much of anything. I guess when that time comes I will see if I still want to lie around, watching Lifetime movies all day.
I have signed up for this large family and they bring me such joy. Sometimes I get caught up in the stress of it all and ask them to please just go away and give me a few minutes to myself. That is normal though and we all need time for ourselves. I wouldn’t give up one day of what I have now to go back to those lonely days of my twenties. My family makes my heart full. My life is now complete.
So, how am I getting to finish this post, you ask? Well Daddy took the troops to the park for some playtime. He knows that everyone needs a little time for themselves, a little lazy time, if you will. I have a hard time turning off the switch nowadays. I guess he knows that.
Do you know what I hear in this house right now? Nothing. I hear nothing but silence. Is this what it was like when I was 23? Wow. How did I even make it through a day like that? I am finished blogging now. I can’t wait for the chaos to return 😉