Choosing Between Kids And Sunglasses: That Was An Easy One

On my kids free days I like to state from where I am posting. That way you will believe me when I say that one day you will have these moments too. All you mothers holding a crying baby right now. Your time will come.

I am sitting outside on my deck. Enjoying some cool water. By myself. Well me and my black Lab, Hudson. We are listening to some Justin Timberlake (still relieved that he saved the MTV music awards). Now that you have the visual, let’s move on.

I did yoga this morning. Not JUST this morning. It was 4:45 this morning. I am officially that woman who you probably hate. I felt the need to get that out there so we have no secrets. I am yoga awesome now.

Doing yoga gave me a sense of accomplishment. Like anything was possible after that. Yoga is supposed to stretch your muscles. It makes you stronger and leaner. It helps you clear your mind. Your spirit is made new. It is amazing.

Yeah. I didn’t really get any of those things from it.

Maybe it was the way I was stumbling though the routine. I kept hearing myself giggle at my own poses. Everyone else had relaxed faces and long, lengthened limbs and finger tips. But I was hopping around just trying not to trip myself. My warrior-pose looked more like Walk Like An Egyptian.

That’s okay. I will try it again and only get better. Cause that is the only way to go from horrible.

After exercise was done it was time to get ready for the day. Four kids to school requires a lot of work on my part. In a one hour window I have to produce eight meals. Four breakfasts and four lunches. If I am lucky I get to eat as well. I did manage a shower in between all of the prep work. I didn’t want to go anywhere all yoga-fied.

As an aside, spellcheck kept changing that to yoga-fried. Is that a thing? Cause I am from the South and we will fry anything. I will investigate that later.

Anyway. The morning was progressing smoothly. Right on schedule, staged at the door were four backpacks, four lunches and four children wearing eight shoes. Now to the car! I grabbed my handbag, keys and my glasses…..wait……where were my sunglasses?

If you are a mother then you know how important sunglasses are. If you are not, let me explain.

I was wearing gym shorts and a tank. Not the ones I had worn to yoga. Clean ones. I mean I do practice good hygiene. I had on flip-flops. My hair was clean and dry but not “fixed” which means I didn’t have time for a flat-iron. Or a brush. I didn’t have on makeup. Now please note that by make up I mean concealer. At my age if you do nothing else you apply a little creamy magic underneath those tired eyes. Seriously. It works. I don’t look near as dead.

All of this was perfectly acceptable because I was not going anywhere but back home after the school drop-off line. Not like I was going to pull out the mascara on a Wednesday. I didn’t have a lunch date with the president of the PTO or anything.

Now there was a problem that I had not anticipated. My sunglasses were not where they should be. Me searching was going to put my kids in danger of being late for school. And we were doing so well. What is a mother to do? She stops the world and looks for her sunglasses. That’s what.

You see sunglasses are magic. You can look like a total disaster. You can have a greasy ponytail, yesterdays eyeliner, and last nights supper all over your clothes, but once you put on those sunglasses, you feel like one sexy mama.

Sounds crazy. I know. How could one little accessory do so much? All I know is that if it works for celebrities then it can work for a suburban mom. You will see me wearing mine even on rainy days. I am an overachiever after all.

Where were my sunglasses? I raced around the house looking everywhere I could think of. I am the worlds worst to put something down and not be able to find it later but NOT the most important accessory in my arsenal. They are always in my case, in my purse. I checked that case no less than ten times thinking they would magically appear. All the while the minutes were ticking away.

My kids who were waiting in the car finally realized that something was wrong and the oldest came to ask if we were skipping school today. Cause she was cool with that. I won’t lie. The thought had crossed my mind. This was the equivalent of not having my Aqua Net hairspray in the 80s. No big hair, no school.

I told her that we had a code red emergency. My sunglasses had vanished. Without missing a beat she said “Oh I saw those in the refrigerator.” Wait. Huh? And WHY wouldn’t she take them out? Her response? “You always tell me not to touch other people’s things.”

Exactly when did she start listening to me? Oh right. The time she saw my sunglasses in the fridge.

My morning made me realize that we all have crutches. Things that turn us into functioning human beings. Things that when we are forced to go without, we get extremely uncomfortable. Props if you will.

Mine is sunglasses. And my iPad (a girl has to write).

What are yours?

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