I Try To Not Screw Up My Kids, One Day At A Time

My obsession with Star Wars is well documented. I am infatuated with Chewbacca the Wookie. I have a stuffed one that sits on my bed. Why yes, I am an adult. He makes authentic noises. Don’t try and act like you don’t want one now. My children have Chewbacca on t shirts and underwear. A year ago, I bought the boys Star Wars bedding. They didn’t even know what that meant at the time.

I am not the only one. Every time I post a picture on Instagram and tag #StarWars or #MayTheForceBeWithYou, I instantly get 20 likes. It doesn’t even matter what the picture is because fans show the love. Star Wars is awesome and everyone knows that.

Why am I obsessed? I guess because the original Star Wars was the first movie that I saw in a theater as a child. It was magical. So you can imagine my thrill when my kids asked to watch the movies. We have now watched the original three as a family. They were glued to their seats. Even the four-year old couldn’t look away. I was so proud to have introduced my kids to something from my childhood, that is still mad-awesome, all these years later.

My oldest son got a Star Wars X Box game for his last birthday. Seemed harmless enough for them to play a game, that mimicked the movies that I adore so much. It was innocent fun at first. They would play, learning all of the characters and playing as teammates. Then it took an ugly turn. Just like that my boys, were enthralled. It became all that they ever wanted to do. They would opt out of meals if given the opportunity, in order to continue playing (Man, why can’t I love a video game so much??).

Then the fighting began. How did this happen? My sweet little boys were screaming, arguing and wrestling over a game. When one made a game move, that another saw as a mistake in judgement, chaos would break out. There would be screaming and crying and people throwing themselves in the floor from despair, their entire life ruined.

More than once we have had to step in and shut it down. We realized that they could only play in small amounts of time. We encourage them to go outside or play with a truck for goodness sake. These games are unbelievably addictive. My boys are still little. I cannot imagine having three teens in the house fussing over the X Box. I was amazed by just how fast it all happened. What have I done, introducing this game to them? Have I made an error in judgement? Have I ruined their chance to reach full potential in life, by stunting them with a video game?

When I was a little kid, I spent my days outside, playing with rocks and dirt. I rode my bike all over the neighborhood. Now we are afraid to let our children out of our sight. My children aren’t allowed in the front yard because I worry about them getting ran over. Heck they aren’t allowed outside period, unless my eyes are on them at all times. Am I the reason they are not getting enough exercise? It seems like I am always asking myself if I am screwing up my kids.

As a parent, we struggle to do the right thing. We want better for them. Are we feeding them too much junk? Why did we ever bring junk into the house in the first place? What parent hasn’t thought about this in second thought? Are we encouraging enough physical activity? Are we teaching them the important life lessons? Are we allowing them too much TV/game time? Are we modeling good core values and moral integrity? Are we encouraging them to think for themselves? Are we giving them enough of our attention? We spend more and more time, feeling guilty as mothers. As I type, my daughter is giving me puppy dog eyes on the other side of the glass door. She doesn’t understand why I am sitting at this laptop and she has no idea that I am worrying about her future.

We look at every person we know and focus on their strong points. She ONLY feeds her child healthy food. Then we look at another: She has the most well-mannered children on the planet. Yet another: Her child has straight A’s and participates in three extra-curricular activities. Then we hold our self up to the light and feel like a failure in every area. What am I even doing right?

There is such pressure today in raising kids. Times are very different. I can promise you my mother did not worry this much. She loved me and I knew it. Period. That is all your kid actually cares about. You are doing the best that you can. That is all that you are expected to do. Just love your kid. The rest will work itself out.

Even if today, I let my boys play Lego Star Wars until they have a code-red meltdown, feed them brownies for supper and send them to bed without brushing their teeth, I am still a good mom. Tomorrow is a new day and I will try to do it all again, just a little bit better. I am a mother. That is the best that I can do.

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