Sometime A Mom Has To Act A Little Crazy

Where did I go wrong as a mother? My kids are taking over the place. There are times I feel like raising a white surrender flag. You can have the house. Dad and I are leaving.

I am a pretty strict parent. I have a strict no funny business approach when it comes to things like school, homework and being out in public (like at restaurants). Meaning there are times to settle down and be serious and well-behaved and then there are times that we can let our hair down. In other words, do not embarrass me.

I wonder if I ask too much of my kids because I swear sometimes I feel like they are already rebelling. Aren’t they too small to rebel right now? Maybe it is the fact that there are four of them and only one of me. Maybe it is pack mentality. Often times I feel like I am not necessarily the one in control. The harder I crack down, the more they go wild.

Take this morning for instance. They were up and eating breakfast earlier than normal. Everyone was dressed and ready to go 30 minutes before we had to leave for school. So they had a little tablet time while I caught up on a couple of things. Flawless morning.

Soon it was time to load up. Everyone got their backpack and lunchbox and headed to the car. By the time I got out there they were all strapped in their seats ready to go. It as something out of a dream.

I put the big black beast in reverse and backed out into the street and away we went. Radio on. Still singing my tunes. Everyone singing along and bobbing their heads. Then we turned onto school street. And all hell broke loose.

Middle Son said ” I am not getting out of the car last this time.” To which Only Daughter responded “I AM ALWAYS LAST. YOU ARE LAST THIS TIME!” I told them no need to fuss. We all have to take turns in life. Who cares when you actually get out of the car. As long as everyone gets out. (I blame Dad for their competitive nature).

Middle Son paying attention to NOTHING that I had just said unbuckled his seat belt and stepped in front of his sister in an attempt to block her from exiting the car before him. Up until now Oldest Son had been quiet. He sits by the door so he really didn’t have a dog in the race.

However when Middle Son unbuckled he had to speak up. You see Oldest Son has deemed himself the sheriff. He is here to make sure everyone stays in line. Even when he is not staying in line himself.

I was trying to drive like any responsible operator of a motor vehicle should so it took me a minute to realize what was going down. My oldest son screamed “GET BACK IN YOUR SEAT THIS MINUTE! DO YOU WANT TO DIE IN A FIERY CRASH?” Middle Son’s flippant reaction was more than anyone could take. This was war.

Simultaneously Oldest Son and Only Daughter reacted. Oldest Son leapt from his seat in an effort to wrestle Middle Son to the back of the car at the exact same moment that Only Daughter grabbed him by his bookbag and jerked him to the ground.

I was driving while desperately trying to restore peace. I was fighting to keep my composure. I was passing every parent of the community in the school traffic. I had to LOOK like I was in charge. I couldn’t let on that there was complete anarchy in my Chevrolet.

As I tried to maintain my cool there was a full on brawl going on in my floorboard. There were punches flying, spit spewing and hair being pulled. My daughter had broken down in tears. Not because she was hurt. The boys dare not assault their sister. One because Dad told them you never ever hit a girl. Two because she is much larger and she will make them wish they had never been born if they take a swing at her.

Only Daughter was crying because of the injustices in the world. In her world anyway. Why was I not back there helping her? Life is so unfair and she is ALWAYS LAST! I JUST DON’T LOVE HER!

Thank goodness Baby Son was still in his seat laughing at the whole scene. There was that.

As far as I was concerned this ended now. Carefully maintaining control of the vehicle with one hand, I reached back with the other to pick up Oldest Son and threw him back toward his seat. Then I picked up Middle Son and threw him as well. Then I gave Only Daughter the crazy eyed look to let her know that I was about to come unhinged. They do not want unhinged. Unhinged mom is unstable. And scary.

My use of brute(ish) force snapped them all back to reality. They were afraid of what was about to go down. I could see the fear in their eyes.

I pulled up at the school. I handed each one their backpack. And told them to have a nice day. All while wearing an icy stare. They were clearly uncomfortable. They needed a reaction. Where was my reaction?

Are we in trouble? What is happening? What are you going to do? They pleaded with me to answer their questions. In my best I am channeling Jack Nicholson from The Shining voice I said:

Don’t you worry about that. Just have a GREAT day. NOW GET OUT OF MY CAR.

They exited, one at a time, in an orderly fashion. As they walked up the sidewalk to school, each looked back at me. Was I following them? Talking to their friends? Had I stepped out of the car in my embarrassing clothes? They were waiting for the bomb to drop. They needed closure.

I just stared at them with no expression. Until I pulled away.

Crazy is the best card a momma can play. When you feel like you have lost all control, just let your CRAZY fly. I mean after all, they did this to us. We used to be normal too.

Be afraid my pretties. Be afraid.

Prescription medicament use on the rise in the United States. Part 2