Sometimes Being A Mother Means Letting Them Be Themselves

When the doctor said “It’s a girl”, her destiny was set. A baby girl is a girly girls dream come true. She would be shiny and pink and sparkly. It was going to be grand.

When she was a baby, I dressed her in hats and headbands and furry capes (yes, I said furry capes). She wore hot-pink and pastel-pink and every pink in between. She was mommy’s little doll. I made all of her decisions for her and she was happy letting me.

When she turned three I put her in ballet class, because there is absolutely nothing cuter than a tiny tutu. Seriously. Nothing is cuter. I took her to class once a week and watched her twirl and spin. It made my heart go pitter patter. She was going to be a ballerina one day.

Then she turned 6 and wanted to learn to do a cart-wheel so I immediately put her in cheer/tumble. I had visions of her cheering in college one day. We had to get her basics down because she was going all the way.

Next she wanted to play soccer. So I signed her up and bought her pink cleats and shin guards. If we were going to do it, we were going to do it right. She adored soccer. With those long legs, I just knew that one day she would make it big.

Some might say that three activities is a bit much for a child. She told me that she adored all three. Her grades were good, so we continue with the load. I guess because I never did any of these things as a child, I have a hard time telling my kids no, when they want to try something new.

I was very proud of her and everything she was striving for. In the back of my mind, I knew that one day she would have to narrow it down and pick one sport, to be her focus. Now days you have to excel to get noticed. I had already decided that she was going to be a collegiate cheerleader. Maybe because this was the dream that I missed out on, but she still had the chance. I would do everything in my power to make her dreams come true. I had it all figured out: competitive cheer teams, high school teams, it would be so much fun. Then, one day, she told me that we needed to talk.

I could tell that she was nervous and trying to get something off her chest. I asked her what was wrong. What she told me rattled me to the core. She told me that she had only been taking cheer classes because she knew how much it meant to me. She said that she loved to dance and adored soccer, but cheer was just not for her. I couldn’t believe my ears. Yet I could not be more proud.

Since my daughter was little, I have told her that she can do anything in life. I have preached to never limit herself because if she wants it bad enough, she can make it happen. She is a strong, intelligent female and the world is hers for the taking. Well, evidently she was listening.

She took cheer and at first it was fun for her, but somewhere in the course of two years, she fell out of love. Yet she continued because she knew how much it meant to me. But being the strong, independent girl that I desperately want her to be, she had to be true to herself and let me down gently.

This is when two things really hit home for me. 1. I am raising an amazing daughter and 2. She has to follow her dreams and not mine. When your child is born you can actually envision what their life will be. You have great plans for them. Well, you might as well take those plans and throw them out the window.

Now I understand that my dream for my children is just happiness, whatever that means to them. No matter what it takes, as their mother, I will always support them. If my daughter wants to be the president of this great country or a prima ballerina, I am behind her. I have learned that when you love someone, the details don’t matter.

When she asked me if she could drop cheer, it was as though a weight was lifted off my shoulders, to be honest. I was working so hard to shape her future. Now I realize that she is actually in charge of that. I am her mother and my roll is to love her through it all. Her opportunities are endless. Maybe one day she will look back and say that she owes it all to her parents, for their undying devotion and love. That’s not asking too much is it? 😉

Whatever paths my children take, I am honored to champion them along their way. I know at some point, they all will make decisions, that are not what I would choose for them. That is probably one of the hardest parts of being a parent, when you have absolutely no say in anything that they do. But what a thrill it must be to see your grown children living a happy, fulfilled life and know that you had a little part in that.

I have four kids. They are already four unique individuals. They will each have their own dreams, goals and ambitions. I treasure watching them grow and change, a little each day, into the adults that they will one day become.

So my daughter doesn’t want to be a cheerleader. I’ll bet no matter what she chooses one day, she will be amazing. I guess she learned a lesson and I did as well. She learned that it is okay to speak up for yourself and I learned that it feels pretty good when you teach your kids to speak up for themselves.

Now if you will excuse me, I must do some shopping. If she is going to be a ballerina-soccer super star them she is going to need new pink gear. As an aside if she tells me that she doesn’t like pink one day I am going to need medical attention. 😉

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