The calendar may not quite agree with me yet but I have declared it officially summertime. Summer to me means beautiful sunshine, outside play, fun summer tops, open toe shoes, wide-brimmed hats and the mother of all summer pastimes: the pool.
I have a love/hate relationship with the pool. It provides hours of entertainment for my kids. They can’t even muster the strength to be cross with one another while floating in cool liquid happiness. There is, however, a huge difference between being that kid playing in the pool and being the mother of that kid. Let me explain to you what a pool trip means to mom.
At the beginning of each new day, you have two choices: Take the kids to the pool or don’t take the kids to the pool. This is my first decision, even before what is for breakfast. If today is to be a pool day, then you have to start the process as early as possible, if you ever hope to get there at a decent time.
Making this decision depends on a few factors. Weather is a key element. If there is a chance of rain or thunderstorms then you have an easy pass to opt out. Sorry kids, I love you too much to allow you to get electrocuted. It is for your own good. I really wanted to go BUT I cannot control the weather. Sure there is grumbling and complaining but they understand as they too, do not wish to be electrocuted by lightning.
Any reason other than weather is going to be met with major resistance. Like doctors and dentist appointments, trips to the grocery store or mom having strep throat are all unacceptable reasons why there is no pool today. If you are using any of these reasons then be prepared to defend your stance. Yes, you are the mother and you do get to call the shots, but nobody said you get to do it without major grief and blowback.
So let’s say you have no errands, appointments or illnesses and the thought of staying home all day seems unbearable. If locked in this house for an entire day, someone will require an extended hospital stay or a psyche evaluation, and by someone I mean YOU, then TODAY must be declared a pool day.
Please be careful here because once you cross that line and announce pool day, there are no take backs. To do so now will only lead to mutiny. Your kids will not be denied.
The good news is by the time you get the L sound out of your mouth from the word POOL then your kids will already be dressed in their swim attire. It has always amazed me that even the youngest child who more days than not puts both his underwear and shorts on backwards, can manage to put on a pair of swim trunks with amazing speed and precision.
The kids get dressed so quickly that they have plenty of time to mill around outside your bedroom door, which you have secured with both a lock and a sturdy wooden chair because NO ONE should have to watch their mother put on a bathing suit. Even though only the best of the mom swimsuits were chosen weeks ago at the department store, just because they made it home does not mean that they are a joy to get into.
There have been instances where I have questioned whether it was the lack of air in my lungs from the constant sucking in or my brain being squeezed in two by the suit going over my head that made me pass out for just a second, while wrestling my way into a suit. By some miracle you always seem to get it on though and quickly grab a swim cover up. As an aside: Do not be that mom who arrives at the pool without a cover up or shorts over your suit. All us other moms hate you. I tell you this with love.
Okay! Everyone is dressed so next comes the sunscreen. I don’t trust my kids to apply sunscreen. I feel like I will be to blame for any skin cancer that they may develop later in life if I don’t both stress the importance and smear them from head to toe, every single time that they go outside.
So I line them up like cattle. I cover their faces and shoulders with the thick, white stuff that makes them resemble zombies (which luckily for little boys is pretty freaking cool). Then I spray the parts that will be in the water most of the time, such as their legs and feet. I do this because with four, by the time I get to their lower extremities I am light-headed from bending over in a suit that is obviously trying to make me look 3 sizes smaller. Poor suit. It had no idea the task it had in store. Who’s idea was shape improving swimwear anyway? I am guessing a man came up with it because it is almost unbearable.
Okay so now we are dressed and covered. Next I assign everyone the job of finding their own pool shoes and flotation devices/toys/gear. Their consequent feverish searches allow me to pack a pool bag in peace. Water, healthy snacks (they will eat just about anything at the pool because they are actually starving from all the swimming) towels, water toys (all of the ones that they will forget and then later remember that they forgot, while at the pool), a good book for me (that will never be cracked open), my Tervis Tumbler of flavored water (that I will later pretend is hard liquor as I try to keep my sanity in a couple of hours) and my cell phone for emergencies (such as a Facebook status that must be posted immediately or a cannonball pic that must be uploaded to Instagram). We are now ready. (I am no where close to ready).
I tell everyone to potty because every mother knows that is the absolute last thing that you do before you walk out the door. After grumbling and complaining, and me pointing out that I have a pool key and THEY do not, everyone goes. Finally I line them up by the front door.
I run the list of rules. The same list that they have heard every single time that they have ever left for the pool. The very rules that they will all ignore at one point or another today.
There shall be absolutely NO: running, pushing, jumping in on top of other people or frogs (yep, that happened) squirting unsuspecting people with water guns, shouting, attempts to join a new family because they have cooler water toys or peeing in the pool. No climbing the iron fence that surrounds the pool and the new rule that was added yesterday: no throwing small, round metal tables into the pool. (With boys, the rules need to be very, very specific).
Then I look them in their eyes and tell them that we are going to walk in a single file line on the sidewalk, all the way to the pool. They all agree to the rules. I open the door.
They spill from my house like a tidal wave. They race for the sidewalk, cumbersome flip-flops left in their wake. I follow a trail of abandoned floaties and water toys. I am now carrying my huge pool bag, flip-flops and all of the foam noodles as well. You think this is a sign of things to come at the pool? You are not going to be disappointed my friend.
Wait until you read THAT post. Ahhhhh summertime <3
I have no children and yet am so excited to read the next installment!
Haha! It only gets better! Thanks Susan!