I have a pretty good life. I won’t lie. My husband works hard so I can be a stay at home mom to my kids. It is exactly where I want to be, at this point in my life. Although, if there was another life after this one, and if I had to choose another path? I would TOTALLY sign up to be any one of my kids. They have it made.
I believe that people have different ways in which they express love to others. I show love by doing. I am a doer. I may not always remember to give you a hug (but I will certainly take one if YOU are passing them out) and I may not always say I love you, at every opportunity, BUT you can bet I will be doing something to SHOW you. Maybe something you wouldn’t even notice, if you aren’t a doer like myself.
How does this translate into being a mother though? If I am not careful, I am going to raise a bunch of worthless adults. Now let’s also throw in my severe OCD-perfectionism. Do these kids even stand a chance? What is it like to be one of my kids, you ask? Let me tell you.
1. You are magically awakened at the exact moment that you need to be out of bed. You don’t have to worry if you will be late for anything. Even if I wake up a little late, my kids never pay for it. That is the beauty of having a little me-time built in to each morning.
2. Your breakfast is always waiting for you, well on weekdays anyway. On the weekends I ask that you stay in the freaking bed until it is at least DAY LIGHT outside. Why do kids get up earlier on days that they don’t even have to be anywhere?
3. By the time you finish breakfast, your bed is made. In my defense I have been making my bed since I was four. It is an obsession. An unmade bed makes me perspire. and itchy. I plan to teach my kids to do this for themselves, because it is an important life skill that everyone needs. I guess I haven’t done it yet because…well the beds just look so terrible after they do them. Should I just get over that and let them make their beds to the best of their ability? Yes, absolutely. But that doesn’t mean that I can, without suffering a panic attack. I am just being honest. I have a bed issue.
4. When breakfast is over and you walk back to your room, you not only find your bed immaculately made, you also find your clothes laid out. All you people with your cute pics of your mismatched kids, because you have let them pick out their own outfit for the day, I find them adorable. However, I have been doing it for them for so long and not one of them ever protests, not even my daughter. So why would I mess up a good thing? I know that one day soon enough they will take this away from me. I am just trying to enjoy it while I still can.
5. You go to put your shoes on and there are socks already stuffed inside. You see? I have a problem! As I do laundry, there sits their shoes. In order to save time, I just stuff them inside. That way I am not having a conversation the next morning about why you don’t have any socks on.
6. I do laundry every single day of my life. If you wore a shirt to school today, and you want to wear it again tomorrow, there is a pretty good chance it will be back in your closet when you wake. No really. That is 100% truth. My kids think this is normal behavior.
7. If you have a hole in your pajamas, socks or underwear you will probably never notice. The item will be quickly removed from rotation and replaced with a brand new pair. You won’t even know, for sure, how it got in your drawer. It just magically appeared while you were at school.
8. Your shampoo bottles, toothpaste tubes and hair products are always available on demand. You finish one off? Just look in the cabinet, there is sure to be a replacement. One day they will be away at college. They will open the bathroom cabinet to reach for a new mouth wash, and stare into the big empty space. This will probably go on for hours, as they wait for the mouth wash to magically appear in there.
9. You have a favorite fruit? Cracker? indulgent treat? It is probably in the pantry. Don’t believe me? Check for yourself. I have the ability to know what you are going to want to eat next Tuesday, while I am in the grocery store on Friday.
10. You get a letter from school saying you need a poster board, a signed permission slip or a check for a field trip. The next day it will appear in your backpack. It is like your mother and your teacher communicate telepathically. You never even had to say one word to me about it.
Do you see what I am trying to say? I am raising a bunch of light weight, lazy adults. I am well aware that I am not doing them any favors. I preach independence and doing things for yourself, but I rarely require results.
I have recently started making them put their laundry away. I have realized the error of my ways, there is still hope for them. I want them to be kids for as long as they can possible be. I also want them to enter adulthood with all of the necessary survival skills. They must all know how to wash dishes and clothes. They must all know how to change a tire and cook a fried egg, to perfect-runny-yellow perfection. It is my duty as their mother to teach them. Okay, so maybe someone should teach me how to change a tire first…but I digress!
I know that my babies are not babies anymore. They no longer need me to squirt toothpaste on their brushes or tell them which socks go with which pants. Oh but wait….I still have to help their dad with that last one, so maybe that is still okay. As a mother my roll is shifting from doing it all, to teaching them how to do it all, for themselves.
I learn a little more every day about being a mother. There are stages and from one to the next, requires a transition. I love my kids so much and I would gladly do it all for them, as long as they would let me. But that does not lend to them becoming productive, capable adults.
It is going to be tough though. Did I mention that I refold clothes in their drawers, after they pick through them? That’s not weird though, right? I may need sedatives eventually. Words like chill out, laid-back and relax, are not even in my vocab. I am a perfectionist. I was just born that way and I can’t stop it now. Did you see the attached picture? That is what happens when I leave them to their own devices. Do those kids look ready to take charge of a bed spread?
I picture myself in a corner rocking, one day, very, very soon 😉
Prescription medicament use on the rise in the United States. Part 2
We both know how your future DIL’s are gonna feel about you!!!!
I finally stopped going into B’s room to see if the bed was made or if the clothes were in the drawer properly. Of course it took until she was in High School! You will let it go little by little but you will still “help” them along as long as they are in your house. It is they joys of motherhood with OCD!
Kim I know you feel me!
Great post. You make some good points about the magic of being a kid, and how things just come to be done.
Once in a while I like to take my kids (5) camping. When we get out there, I try to do as little as possible for them. It is a kind of a shock therapy of how to figure things out. Time and time again, they rise to the occasion. Like when I told the girls that if they did not figure out how to set up their tent they were going to sleep outside. Necessity!
My other angle these days is replying to the words, “I don’t like it” with “You’re just not hungry enough yet.”
It is a fine line we walk between making them dependent on us, and creating interesting and resilient virtues in these young men and women.
Thanks for writing this up, you have a great style.
Aww thanks Rick! I like the learning out of necessity and lets face it, sometimes we have to create those situations.
I often say if you don’t like anything on your plate then obviously you aren’t hungry enough. Keep up the good work. Thanks for stopping by!
You are a great mom and someone your kids will always admire! Perfectionist, yes. A little OCD (okay, a lot), yes. But between the laundry and polishing that fridge of yours, you manage to make each of those kids feel important and believe me, they will learn more from you than you realize without pointing it out (the good and bad). Heck, they may be making lousy beds on purpose! Oh, and I’ll save a seat in the rocker next to me!
Aww that is very sweet a Deb. I’m blushing 🙂