The Funniest Post You Will Ever Read About Sweater Vests.

And just like that it got cold. I am freezing right now. Why does winter have to come around every single year?

I love the holidays. So there is that. Eating too much on Thanksgiving with family and friends. Watching my children’s eyes light up on Christmas morning. I live for that stuff.

But what else is good about winter? Trees lose their leaves. My skin stays dry and chapped. My feet never get warm. Going anywhere requires four puffy coats, which my kids always protest. But I am a good mama. So I force them to wear one. Except for those days when I just give up.

Winter is just a huge inconvenience.

I do love a good snow though. I live in the South so there is that one HUGE three-inch snow every year. Most years anyway. Except for those years when there is no snow. But then again I can’t drive in the snow anyway. If you haven’t already you must read this post about southerners driving in the snow. Cause we are so good at it that it deserved an entire post.

I love boots. And fashionable coats. And scarves. Winter fashions are fun. Until about January when I am dreaming of summer. The holidays are all over and there is still a long stretch of freezing cold and nothing fun going on.

So what is this post really about you ask? I am sure you have probably figured it out by now.

Yep. Sweater vests.

I LOVE SWEATER VESTS. Go ahead and laugh.

I miss the days of my boys wearing sweater vests. Long gone are the days when I could dress them without whining opinions.

I was the mother who dressed them all in sweater vests every chance I got. Which was not near often enough. People tend to stare at sweater vests unless it is a special occasion. Especially the ones with a reindeer on the front.

Who says you can’t wear a reindeer sweater vest in January? Who exactly is in charge of reindeer sweater vest rules?

I remember once someone asked me (in a room full of kids) “Which ones are yours exactly?” To which someone else replied “Every single kid wearing a sweater vest. And that girl over there.”

Guilty. If little boys wearing sweater vests is wrong then I don’t want t be right.

Now if they ever see me looking in the sweater section in a store they shut it down. No way. No how. Not happening.

But why not? I mean sure some would argue that sweater vests are for people afraid of commitment. You either want a sweater or you don’t. Why no sweater for the arms? Why leave the arms out of the party?

I get that.

Some would say that they are for people who are experimenting. Trying to figure out who they are. Am I a sweater person? Am I anti-sweater? Maybe if I wear part of a sweater I will know. That seems reasonable.

I get that too.

I say sweater vests are perfection. They are the perfect balance. The trunk of the body is warm and toasty without the arms paying the price. Movement is not restricted.

Go ahead. Try one and see if you can’t still flail your arms around like a crazy person. Because you can.

Being able to flail your arms around on a whim is probably taken for granted. Until you need to do it. And you can’t. Because of your sweater.

Women don’t get to wear sweater vests. I don’t know decided that but it is not easy find a ladies sweater vest.

So every morning during the winter I have to decide: Shall I be cold all day or shall I be hot all day? Sweater or no sweater? The world seems so black and white.

But my boys had choices. I could make their life easier if they would just let me.

But OH NO. Not anymore. That ship is sailed. No one wants to listen to Mom’s reasoning.

So alas. There went a little more of what little winter joy I had.

Except I do have a four pound Yorkie. And she freezes in the winter. So I buy her sweaters. And they don’t generally put arms on doggy sweaters. Since they don’t have arms. So she kind of wears sweater vests. And if I am lucky sweater vest dresses.

So that is a small victory. I can put one on her and she won’t talk back. Sometimes I do have to chase her down when she sees me looking around in the doggy accessory drawer. But I figure that is just because she is SOOOO excited that she is about to be crammed into a sweater vest.

I guess if there is anything to be learned here it is to enjoy the small window when you are actually in charge of your kids wardrobe. I mean sure you always have the right to veto your daughter shirt skirts. But evidently you cannot force a child into a sweater vest. Cause apparently that is child abuse.

My mother used to dress me in plaid pants and turtle necks. I put a stop to that around age 7. Looking back now I realize that I probably crushed her spirit. Some things you just don’t understand until you have kids.

I’m sorry Mom. Buy me some plaid pants. I will give them a go.

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