The Not So Coherent Ramblings Of A Blogger

Being a blogger is fun for me. It gives me a platform. A voice. A place to be entertaining, silly and introspective.

Whatever I am feeling, on any given day.

Except I don’t actually consider myself a real blogger.

Bloggers are important people. With important stuff to say. World changing kind of stuff.

And I am just here in my kitchen, trying to forget that there are donuts in the pantry. And chocolate ones at that.

I do have a blog. So technically I guess that makes me a blogger, by default.

I started Bell On Heels two and a half years ago. I never even read blogs before that. I knew nothing about blogging.

What business did I have thinking anyone would care about anything that I had to say?

What a narcissist.

So of course I Googled “How to start a blog” and here we are.

The thing about blogging, it is a strange process. And everyone’s process is different.

I sit alone at a keyboard.

I will note here that some mommy bloggers would kill for this luxury. The alone part. All of my kids being in school now. It is much easier these days. I can actually string together coherent thoughts. Most of the time.

Usually by the point that I am in front of the laptop, an idea has already invaded my brain.

Things just seem to come to me. An idea presents itself. And I have to get it out.

I still don’t do a lot of blog reading or research before I write though.

And maybe a lightbulb just went off and you are screaming: THAT IS WHY SHE IS AWFUL!

I said everyone’s process was different.

I used to stress over whether my stuff was any good. Then I realized that it is my blog. And if no one likes it, then they can all shove it. I hope you like it. I am super non-confrontational.

(Love me. I am needy.)

But someone likes it. Someone out there can relate. I am relatable if nothing else.

So I sit here, hammering away. Saying whatever it is that I want to say.

Sometimes I am in tears. Some of my best posts ended with tears all over my keyboard.

Sometimes I can’t stop laughing as the words come out. Blogging stirs emotions in me. Real emotions.

That is pretty refreshing. That lets me know that this is what I should be doing after all.

In life, I try to be nice to people. And accepting. Understanding. And I think that flows over into my posts.

My heart is always on display here. Oftentimes it is the only place where I will let my guard down, for you to see.

Eventually, I get the words out. Then at least it is not in my head. My head is already cluttered enough without an entire post taking up space in there.

So next I read it. Then read it again. I change stuff. And delete stuff. Rearrange stuff. Choose different words. And read it 25 more times.

Tweak. Tweak. Tweak.

Sometimes I get disenchanted and delete the whole darn post.

But usually somewhere during that process, the post goes from something of a disappointment, to something that I am proud to have written.

That is a nice feeling.

The problem is that once a post is completed, it is just sitting there. On the screen.

Staring at me. All judgy like.

Up until now, it is just mine.

But I have to decide if it is something that I want to share with the world. That is the reason that I starting the post to begin with, after all. I had something to say.

But what if the world wants to ridicule? Or judge?

I feel that all bloggers have this insecurity.

Something brought us here to this place of baring our souls. Sharing intimate details of our lives. Our struggles. With complete strangers.

Is it a need to be loved? To be heard? I can’t say for sure.

But it is a vulnerable feeling to create something and have a need to share it with the world.

You reputation, integrity, heart and soul on the line. For everyone to see.

In WordPress there is a Publish button. And once you hit that button, then the piece is no longer yours.

There are absolutely no take backs. It is out there. Like a hair on a biscuit.

I know that seems dramatic and maybe it’s just me.

But before I publish a post, I sit there, staring at that button.

By this time I am sick of reading the post.

This is when I know that it is time. I press publish.

Now my post belongs to you.

Anyone who cares to read it anyway.

People have been so kind to me along this journey. They tell me that they look forward to my posts. Others complement my writing style. Tell me that I brighten their day.

I have been told that certain posts have brought some to tears. Made them feel like they weren’t alone in a struggle.

It is all about being human. We are all just here surviving. We want to relate to others. The human connection.

It is a great feeling.

I tend to see the world through a veil of humor and it has served me well in life. Humor is rooted in pain, I have heard. Whatever it is that got me here, I am glad that I made it.

Thank you to everyone who has stuck with my little blog.

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