To My Only Daughter

As a mother of four, it is easy to lump all my kids into one mass. With four it takes a lot of work for them to ever get individualized attention. It is usually more about me trying to stay on top of the chaos.

Last night I found myself looking through old photos. My first baby and my only girl is going to be 9 this summer. I didn’t realize just how big she is until I looked at how tiny she used to be.

I remember the exact moment when she was placed into my arms. I had pushed for two hours and two minutes just to meet her. I was prepared to do whatever it took. This tiny bundle had been living inside of my body for 9 months and I already loved her.

Our family had anticipated her birth ever since we knew of her existence. She was the first grandchild as well. My husband brought her to me. She was already wrapped in a blanket with a pink bow stuck to her head.

For just a moment, it felt like we were the only two people in the world. The first time I looked into her eyes was one of the most profound moments of my life. All at once I felt a rush of love and fear. Here was this little person who made me feel things that I had never felt before. I already knew that I would do anything for her, for the rest of my life.

She looked directly into my eyes. She was so calm and still. I felt a rush of anxiety. What should I do now? I was a new mother and although I had been around numerous babies this baby was completely our responsibility. Her happiness, well-being and future was in OUR hands. As her mother I hadn’t even had time to screw her up yet. There was plenty of time for that later. She was still perfection.

Would I make good choices and decisions for her? I hoped that I would. I wanted her happiness more than I wanted my own. I would try to be the best mother that I could be for this tiny, new wonder.

It seems like this monumental moment was only yesterday. People say it but you don’t know what that really means until it’s your child. Time passes so quickly. Looking at her baby pictures brought it all back. Where has my baby gone? She is almost as close to being a woman as she is to being my tiny baby.

This is such an amazing journey that I am sharing with her. Seeing everything all over again, through her eyes is better than I ever imagined. Watching her grow and change is a remarkable experience. She makes me so proud.

I look at her today. She has a beautiful smile, and infectious laugh and an amazing heart. She is a carefree spirit and makes friends with everyone she meets. She is crazy dramatic and wildly stubborn. She is so many things that I am not. I admire her.

So when I look at this child, who makes my heart swell with pride and adoration, why do I also feel such pain? Why does her growing up have to hurt so much? Thinking about her as a baby, the baby that she will never be again, chokes me up. She will never need me to help her dress or lift her so she can reach something up high. She won’t need me to cut her food or read her a story. If you are a mother, you probably understand exactly how I feel. Our relationship is changing.

She has taught me so much about being a mother. She tests my patience daily. Often times I find myself staring at her in utter astonishment because I am not even sure how to process her dramatic meltdowns. I can ask her to do something 100 times and she will pretend that she doesn’t hear me. She is the master antagonist where her brothers are concerned.

Yet she makes me laugh with reckless abandonment, like no one else. When she comes out of the blue and wraps her arms around me, I remember the very reason that I became a mother. Every day with her in it, is a better day.

As a mother it is my job to help her grow and flourish. I am here to champion her as she travels her path in life. No one ever explained this part of being a mother to me. It is the essence of bitter-sweet. She is on her way to being a woman and there is nothing I can do about it. And I wouldn’t even if I could because I love her. I want greater things for her than I do for myself.

I am not the mother of an infant. I am not yet the mother of an adult. I am a mother of a girl who is somewhere in between. She may not need me to help her like she used to, but she does need me. She needs me to listen to her when she needs to talk. She needs me to say that what she feels matters, even if I don’t understand. She needs me to hold her when the world makes her sad. As you may remember, growing up can be hard at times.

I dedicate this post to my daughter. Maybe one day she will have a daughter of her own and will truly understand a mother’s love. She is such a shining light in my life. My wish is that one day all of her hopes and dreams come true. I hope that she believes in herself as much as I do because she can make a difference in this world, just like she has already made in mine.

I promise to live each day with her, in such a way so that when I have to leave this world, I have left enough love in her heart to hopefully last her a lifetime.

WHY DO I KEEP MAKING MYSELF CRY WORKING ON THIS BLOG!!!!!!!!!!

10 answers to your most important questions about Sildenafil Citrate