You know I would never actually smother my husband. Right? I am a law-abiding citizen and a rule follower. I love my husband. But at 3:00 A.M. the line of fantasy and reality can get a little blurry. What is it about the aging process that sucks all of the fun out of sleeping? Do […]
An Open Letter To Andy Cohen: I Am A Real Housewife
Dear Andy, I am a housewife and mother of four. I live in the suburbs in Tennessee. I started watching Bravo in 2006, when the Real Housewives of Orange County premiered. I was hooked instantly. I have watched New York, New Jersey, Atlanta, Washington D.C (that one, not so much) Beverly Hills, Miami (you can’t […]
The Pros and Cons Of Adulting Post Children
Being an adult is strange. You oftentimes feel like a kid, trapped in a larger, more mature body. Most days you are required to adult. And to be adulty by doing adult things. It’s referred to as ADULTING. Most of the time when an adult is required, I find myself looking to see if there’s […]
Vanilla Ice Moved To My Neighborhood. I Couldn’t Make This Stuff Up.
I believe that people deserve the right to privacy. I would never put someone on blast for anything. It is not my place. Live and let live. That is my motto. Even celebrities. But then Vanilla Ice went and moved into my neighborhood, Y’all! Miami’s on the scene, just in case you didn’t know it. […]
Southerners And Snow: Don’t Be So Judgy
Here in the South we live for snow. Maybe a little too much. Unlike some of you, we only have it a couple of times a year, at best. You guys really have to stop judging us. All of the ridiculous decisions that we make are really beyond our control. Once we hear that there […]
My Top Ten Fears: You Will Never Look At White Utility Vans Quite The Same
With age comes wisdom. That’s what they say. I believe that is true. I am much smarter now than ever before in my life. I think about how dumb I was at twenty. Except I had absolutely no clue that I was dumb. Because I was clueless. And dumb. It occurred to me though, the […]
Surviving School Mornings
My life is not the most exciting. I usually wake 10 minutes or so before my alarm is set to sound. I think it is my body’s way of screwing with me. I mean, not like I need to pee, because my body woke me at 4:00 AM for that. My brain just turns on. […]
The Horrors Of School Drop Off Line
I pulled up to the school and four quiet, smiling children formed a line. Then they took turns carefully climbing down from the vehicle. Okay, it wasn’t exactly like that. Or anything like that really. No, this may be a new school year, but it is shaping up to be more of the same. There […]
The School Year Is Almost Over. How Are You Savoring Your Time?
I don’t mean to alarm you but the school year is all but over. There is only one more full week for my kids. I am super excited and super freaked out. My three days a week of sanity-saving alone time is coming to an end. This is my last chance to savor the all […]
I Watch Your Perfect Families, Now Watch Mine
Doesn’t every kid decide to meditate on a manhole cover? In the middle of the street? I pay attention to all of the normal families. I see them everywhere. They are all neatly dressed and groomed. Their demeanor, pleasant. Everyone is smiling and laughing. All of the kids seem to be doing exactly what is […]
